I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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