whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
