you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
