Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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