I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
