doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
