3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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