We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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