I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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