I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
