Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
time to smoke my breakfast
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
