okay pat passed out under dana's car
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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