No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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