I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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