the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
