Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
