i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
