what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
