look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
