I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
