It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
