I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
