You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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