her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
