You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
