i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
