God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
