Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
