I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
