My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
