nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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