who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize