You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
