I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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