Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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