I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
