Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
