Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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