what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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