im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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