if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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