I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
