I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
