Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
