You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
