Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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