I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
