trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
