I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
