I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
