he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
