Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
