After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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