Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
