My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
