she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
