I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
