Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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