In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed