Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs