Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.