Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something