I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm