I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person