i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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