I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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