i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize