Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
