So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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