there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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